49ers +3 at Bengals
I’m not sure why Jerome Simpson had 6lbs of weed delivered to his house Wednesday afternoon when he could have just had 49ers LB Ezra Butler bring it. Fun Fact: This would be the game of the week if this game was being played in 1989.
Monster – Bengals
Sef Sam Holy – 49ers (and to win)
Patriots -9 at Bills
Bill Belichick said this week that he hopes the entire Bills team and all of their fans die in some sort of tragedy before the game. Man, that guy is a really mean piece of crap. Fun Fact: The Bills haven’t beaten the Patriots since I hit puberty.
Monster – Patriots
Sef Sam Holy – Bills
Bill Belichick said this week that he hopes the entire Bills team and all of their fans die in some sort of tragedy before the game. Man, that guy is a really mean piece of crap. Fun Fact: The Bills haven’t beaten the Patriots since I hit puberty.
Monster – Patriots
Sef Sam Holy – Bills
Texans +5.5 at Saints
The Texans have never started 3-0 in their franchise history and I don’t expect that to happen Sunday when they travel to New Orleans. Drew Brees will extend his TD pass streak to 30 games, but I do like Houston to cover. Fun Fact: Fantasy owners that drafted Arian Foster with their first pick are all not in first place.
Monster – Saints
Sef Sam Holy – Texans
The Texans have never started 3-0 in their franchise history and I don’t expect that to happen Sunday when they travel to New Orleans. Drew Brees will extend his TD pass streak to 30 games, but I do like Houston to cover. Fun Fact: Fantasy owners that drafted Arian Foster with their first pick are all not in first place.
Monster – Saints
Sef Sam Holy – Texans
Giants + 7.5 at Eagles
Coming off a concussion in last week’s contest against the Falcons on Sunday Night Football, Mike Vick will look to beat up on a depleted Giants secondary. He will also look to not get any more concussions. Fun Fact: Patton Oswalt is a really big Giants fan and he is also one of the ugliest people that has ever been on TV.
Monster – Eagles
Sef Sam Holy – Eagles
Coming off a concussion in last week’s contest against the Falcons on Sunday Night Football, Mike Vick will look to beat up on a depleted Giants secondary. He will also look to not get any more concussions. Fun Fact: Patton Oswalt is a really big Giants fan and he is also one of the ugliest people that has ever been on TV.
Monster – Eagles
Sef Sam Holy – Eagles
Dolphins +3 at Browns
Jason Taylor said this week, “I believe we’re going to win every game. And I believe we’re going to get in this airplane Saturday and go up to Cleveland and kick somebody’s ass.” Well, if someone on the Dolphins thinks they are going to win, it’s going to be pretty hard to pick against that. After all, he is in the NFL and probably knows a lot more about this game than I do. Fun Fact: In my fantasy football league, Reggie Bush was traded for a large pizza from Pizza Hut.
Monster – Browns
Sef Sam Holy – Dolphins (and to win)
Jason Taylor said this week, “I believe we’re going to win every game. And I believe we’re going to get in this airplane Saturday and go up to Cleveland and kick somebody’s ass.” Well, if someone on the Dolphins thinks they are going to win, it’s going to be pretty hard to pick against that. After all, he is in the NFL and probably knows a lot more about this game than I do. Fun Fact: In my fantasy football league, Reggie Bush was traded for a large pizza from Pizza Hut.
Monster – Browns
Sef Sam Holy – Dolphins (and to win)
Broncos +6.5 at Titans
Matt Hasselbeck has thrown for 621 yards and 3 touchdowns in his first two games as a member of the Titans. Couple that, with a stout Titan defense that’s only allowing 14.5 points per game, and I think we have the makings of a Tennessee victory. Kyle Orton will try and keep Tim Tebow on the sidelines, and getting Brandon Lloyd back, will certainly help. Fun Fact: Google Image “Kyle Orton drunk,” it’s pretty funny.
Monster – Titans
Sef Sam Holy – Broncos
Matt Hasselbeck has thrown for 621 yards and 3 touchdowns in his first two games as a member of the Titans. Couple that, with a stout Titan defense that’s only allowing 14.5 points per game, and I think we have the makings of a Tennessee victory. Kyle Orton will try and keep Tim Tebow on the sidelines, and getting Brandon Lloyd back, will certainly help. Fun Fact: Google Image “Kyle Orton drunk,” it’s pretty funny.
Monster – Titans
Sef Sam Holy – Broncos
Lions -4 at Vikings
Will the Vikings be able to put together an entire game where they play well from start to finish? Or will Detroit be able to beat Minnesota in the dome for the first time since 1997? I guess we will have to watch the game and find out, sorry I couldn’t be more helpful. Fun Fact: In 2004, Matt Leinart was voted a better football player than Adrian Peterson.
Monster – Vikings
Sef Sam Holy – Vikings
Will the Vikings be able to put together an entire game where they play well from start to finish? Or will Detroit be able to beat Minnesota in the dome for the first time since 1997? I guess we will have to watch the game and find out, sorry I couldn’t be more helpful. Fun Fact: In 2004, Matt Leinart was voted a better football player than Adrian Peterson.
Monster – Vikings
Sef Sam Holy – Vikings
Jags +4 at Panthers
Blaine Gabbert will make his first NFL start Sunday at Carolina, but it’s Cam Newton who will steal the show and notch his first NFL win. Fantasy owners should expect Maurice Jones-Drew to have a big day. You hear that MJD? Please, have a big day, I can’t afford to go 0-3. Fun Fact: Deangelo Williams has 17 carries for 43 yards in two games. I’m not even joking, those are his real stats.
Monster – Jags
Sef Sam Holy – Panthers
Blaine Gabbert will make his first NFL start Sunday at Carolina, but it’s Cam Newton who will steal the show and notch his first NFL win. Fantasy owners should expect Maurice Jones-Drew to have a big day. You hear that MJD? Please, have a big day, I can’t afford to go 0-3. Fun Fact: Deangelo Williams has 17 carries for 43 yards in two games. I’m not even joking, those are his real stats.
Monster – Jags
Sef Sam Holy – Panthers
Chiefs +15 at Chargers
Jamal Charles is on IR, Matt Cassel is playing quarterback, and the Chiefs are on the road. The only question about this game is, “will the Chargers cover the biggest line of the season thus far?” I’m going to say they can. I’d guess they score 35-42 points and I don’t see the Chiefs scoring more than 14. Fun Fact: Todd Haley sued McDonalds when his wife found a dead rat in her salad.
Monster – Chiefs
Sef Sam Holy – Chargers
Jamal Charles is on IR, Matt Cassel is playing quarterback, and the Chiefs are on the road. The only question about this game is, “will the Chargers cover the biggest line of the season thus far?” I’m going to say they can. I’d guess they score 35-42 points and I don’t see the Chiefs scoring more than 14. Fun Fact: Todd Haley sued McDonalds when his wife found a dead rat in her salad.
Monster – Chiefs
Sef Sam Holy – Chargers
Jets -3.5 at Raiders
With Nick Mangold’s beautiful, long hair not playing in this game, and the Jets struggling to run the ball, Mark Sanchez will be called on to win this game with his arm. Rex Ryan’s feet will be pacing on the sideline while Plaxico Burress’s legs carry him into the endzone for the game winning score. Fun Fact: Al Davis is also very fun to Google Image.
Monster – Raiders
Sef Sam Holy – Jets
With Nick Mangold’s beautiful, long hair not playing in this game, and the Jets struggling to run the ball, Mark Sanchez will be called on to win this game with his arm. Rex Ryan’s feet will be pacing on the sideline while Plaxico Burress’s legs carry him into the endzone for the game winning score. Fun Fact: Al Davis is also very fun to Google Image.
Monster – Raiders
Sef Sam Holy – Jets
Ravens -4 at Rams
After blowing out the Steelers in week one, the Ravens came out last weekend flat and lost to the Tennessee Titans. The Rams, who many predicted to win the NFC West, are 0-2. Because of all of that, I expect one of these two teams to come out and win this game. Fun Fact: Josh McDaniels is a huge douche.
Monster – Ravens
Sef Sam Holy – Ravens
After blowing out the Steelers in week one, the Ravens came out last weekend flat and lost to the Tennessee Titans. The Rams, who many predicted to win the NFC West, are 0-2. Because of all of that, I expect one of these two teams to come out and win this game. Fun Fact: Josh McDaniels is a huge douche.
Monster – Ravens
Sef Sam Holy – Ravens
Falcons +1 at Bucs
Bipolar starts for both of these teams have pundits everywhere, including myself, because I’m a pundit, wondering which one of them will compete for a playoff spot. I don’t like the Falcons defense, but I’m not really sold on the Bucs being for real. I do think Michael Turner is the difference in this game, and Turner outperforming Legarrette Blount in this one gives Atlanta the win. Fun Fact: Aqib Talib has been arrested more times than Mike Tyson.
Monster – Falcons (and to win)
Sef Sam Holy – Falcons (and to win)
Bipolar starts for both of these teams have pundits everywhere, including myself, because I’m a pundit, wondering which one of them will compete for a playoff spot. I don’t like the Falcons defense, but I’m not really sold on the Bucs being for real. I do think Michael Turner is the difference in this game, and Turner outperforming Legarrette Blount in this one gives Atlanta the win. Fun Fact: Aqib Talib has been arrested more times than Mike Tyson.
Monster – Falcons (and to win)
Sef Sam Holy – Falcons (and to win)
Cardinals -3.5 at Seahawks
Seattle is a very tough place to play so I understand why Vegas might give the Seahawks some points there, but 3.5 points? This game seems like one where you take your mortgage payment, call your bookie, and bet everything on the Cardinals. Fun Fact: Tavaras Jackson is one of 32 human beings who start at quarterback in the National Football League.
Monster – Cardinals
Sef Sam Holy – Cardinals
Seattle is a very tough place to play so I understand why Vegas might give the Seahawks some points there, but 3.5 points? This game seems like one where you take your mortgage payment, call your bookie, and bet everything on the Cardinals. Fun Fact: Tavaras Jackson is one of 32 human beings who start at quarterback in the National Football League.
Monster – Cardinals
Sef Sam Holy – Cardinals
Packers -4 at Bears
These two teams always play really tight games. In three games last year, one was decided by a field goal and the other 2, by only 7 points. As a Bears fan, it pains me to say that I think the Packers break that trend this week and win big. Grumblings about getting rid of Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith will take over sportsradio in Chicago and Bears fans everywhere will give up on the season. Fun Fact: Bears fans overreact to every win or loss.
Monster – Bears
Sef Sam Holy – Packers
These two teams always play really tight games. In three games last year, one was decided by a field goal and the other 2, by only 7 points. As a Bears fan, it pains me to say that I think the Packers break that trend this week and win big. Grumblings about getting rid of Jerry Angelo and Lovie Smith will take over sportsradio in Chicago and Bears fans everywhere will give up on the season. Fun Fact: Bears fans overreact to every win or loss.
Monster – Bears
Sef Sam Holy – Packers
Steelers -11 at Colts
This is another game where the only question will be is if the heavily favored team covers. Big Ben hasn’t looked very good thus far, but he won’t need to Sunday because Rashard Mendenhall will have a huge game and lead all RB’s in fantasy football points. Fun Fact: The Colts have been awesome for the past decade, seriously, stop feeling sorry for them because Peyton Manning is hurt.
Monster – Steelers
Sef Sam Holy – Steelers
This is another game where the only question will be is if the heavily favored team covers. Big Ben hasn’t looked very good thus far, but he won’t need to Sunday because Rashard Mendenhall will have a huge game and lead all RB’s in fantasy football points. Fun Fact: The Colts have been awesome for the past decade, seriously, stop feeling sorry for them because Peyton Manning is hurt.
Monster – Steelers
Sef Sam Holy – Steelers
Redskins +4 at Cowboys
Tony Romo silenced all of the critics who talk about how much of a sissy he is last Sunday coming back into the game with two cracked ribs and a collapsed lung leading the Cowboys to an overtime win at San Francisco. But he’s playing on Monday Night Football so he might do something really dumb in the 4th quarter and blow this game. Fun Fact: Rex Grossman is still Rex Grossman.
Monster – Redskins
Sef Sam Holy - Cowboys
Tony Romo silenced all of the critics who talk about how much of a sissy he is last Sunday coming back into the game with two cracked ribs and a collapsed lung leading the Cowboys to an overtime win at San Francisco. But he’s playing on Monday Night Football so he might do something really dumb in the 4th quarter and blow this game. Fun Fact: Rex Grossman is still Rex Grossman.
Monster – Redskins
Sef Sam Holy - Cowboys
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